Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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