can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
