but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
