my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
