Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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