It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
