Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize