I have demons in me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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