It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just want to make out with him forever
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
