none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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