Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
