we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
