So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
