Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
