so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
