I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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