hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
