it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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