They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
