I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We had sex on a dog bed..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
