So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I smell stomach acid.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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