The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
