i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
