I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
