Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
