DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
