Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Randomize
