please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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