theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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