i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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