big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
