Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My vagina is officially offended.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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