You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
worst night to have a conscience
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
