When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
