garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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