I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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