The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
