i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
