Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
