i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
