It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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