tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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