no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
