Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
