theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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