i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
