I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
