Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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