He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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