I am puke
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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