I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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