My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
