I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize