somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
