Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
