someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
