Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
