Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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