If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
