Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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