She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize