google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
this hospital has no fireball
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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