I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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