He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
