Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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