you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
