I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
