It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That was before I lit my hair on fire
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
